Texan teachers to carry concealed guns.

Teachers in Texas will be allowed to carry concealed handguns, BBC reports.

Gee, what could go wrong?

Two amazing things: 1) Supposedly, no parent has a problem with this. 2) The rationale for introducing dozens of guns into schools filled with bored, hormonal, and captive children/young kleptomaniacs:

"When the federal government started making schools gun-free zones, that's when all of these shootings started," [the school superintendent] wrote on the Fort Worth Star-Telegram's web site.

Wow.

Maybe the British are right about arming themselves with gobstoppers and snookers.

Man fined for carrying a weapon.... a Gobstopper!

Gotta love the British. This chap carried a "gobstopper the size of a snooker" around in a sock for protection. Can we please just give British citizens guns so they can cause violent mayhem like real adults??

The only reason to watch the Olympics.

I love the gratuitous beach volleyball ass shots under the guise of news. Here's the official beach volleyball photo site from NBCOlympics.com. And you have to love this in-depth report (called "CRACKing the Code," no less) on the hand signals used - sandy butt close-ups necessary, of course. SFW, but use caution and common sense.

10 movies sold on their sex scenes.

Another great list from Spout's Christopher Campbell, this one counting down ten films that only hit our radars because of the hyped-up promises of nudity/sex. Which reminds me, I gotta go see that Scarlett Johansson/Penelope Cruz kiss movie, whatever it's called.

Article here! Hot cha cha cha!

Cake rocks.

This person has made a Guitar Hero CAKE. WILL YOU MARRY ME?!!!

The how-to steps here.

Amazing Flickr pics here.

Game: Ball Lines

Line up five balls of the same color to clear them. Fun!

Ball Lines.

Coozer Prophesy #2

If the jellyfish don't kill us first, humankind will suffer a mighty blow when the honeybees all mysteriously disappear. Just as bees pollinate the plants, so do they pollinate all hope for our future.

Per The Guardian, honeybee deaths now at a "crisis point":

Britain's honeybees have suffered catastrophic losses this year, according to a survey of the nation's beekeepers, contributing to a shortage of honey and putting at risk the pollination of fruits and vegetables.

The survey by the British Beekeepers' Association (BBKA) revealed that nearly one in three of the UK's 240,000 honeybee hives did not survive this winter and spring.

God have mercy on our souls.

Colbert Bump enriches Democrats.

A study shows that Democrats receive more campaign money in the days following an appearance on the Colbert Report.

Interestingly, Republicans do worse after appearing on the show.

More info and a nifty graph here.

Birds singing at night due to daytime noise pollution.

From the Chicago Sun-Times:

U.S. observers have noticed birds singing long after dark this summer.

In England, researchers found that the British robin was forced to sing at night because daytime traffic was drowning out his mating serenades.

The study measured noise levels and singing at 67 sites. Scientists found that birds sang only during the day at 49 sites, and day and night at 18 sites. Daytime noise levels at those 18 sites were significantly higher.

Man gets kid's bday wrong, wins lotto.

From Breitbart:

Bobby Guffey usually plays the same combination of numbers representing the birthdays of his five children. But he left his glasses at home when he bought the winning ticket Aug. 6, accidentally entering the last number as 48 instead of 46.

The Hoosier Lotto ticket ended up being worth $3 million.

King penguin receives Norwegian knighthood.

This penguin kicks all ass.

The knighthood ceremony began Friday morning with speeches and a fanfare before Nils arrived, under escort with the King's Guard Color Detachment. Nils then reviewed the troops lined up outside the penguin enclosure at the zoo, waddling down the row of uniformed soldiers, occasionally stopping to crane his neck and peer inquisitively at their crisp uniforms before being guided forward by his handler.

More on Sir Waddle Butt here.

Coozer-Bits.

Around the world edition!

Japan Times: Japanese men begin growing facial hair, changing fabric of society.

Jerusalem Post: Jordan bans Jews with religious items, claiming security threat.

Yahoo! Canada: Experimental vaccine kills 14 children in Argentina.

Yahoo! Canada: Great-grandson of Marcus Garvey - Jamaica's first national hero - charged with raping 12-year-old girl. After church.

CNN: Ocean "dead zones" becoming global problem.

UK Times Online: Russia: Dick Cheney is behind Russian invasion of Georgia as a way to defeat Obama.

BBC News: Indian officials tell the poor to eat rats.

Queens enjoys murder spike.

Yeah! My neighborhood is exciting! Beat that, Omaha!!

400% murder spikes in some Queens precincts.

Who is the fake Rockefeller?

I've figured it out. He's D-Fens.

I hate soccer.

Australian football hooligans throw sausage fundraiser for rapist captain. More reason to hate soccer, Australians, and rapists. Sausage is still good, though. Item!

Haven't gotten your Netflix yet?

Netflix is experiencing major undisclosed shipping problems. From the site:

Click here to learn more

We’re sorry to report that since Tuesday we’ve been experiencing issues with our shipping system, so many of you have not received DVDs in a timely manner and many of you have not received emails letting you know we got a DVD back from you.

We pride ourselves in delighting you, and we’ve let you down. We apologize and are working around the clock to restore normal operations. To all of you whose shipments have been delayed, we’ll be automatically applying a credit to your next billing statement. Or, if you are new to Netflix and your first shipments have been delayed, we recognize that this is not a good way to begin your Netflix membership and we’ll automatically extend your free trial.

Our goal is to ship DVDs as soon as possible and to keep you updated. Again, we are sorry for the inconvenience we’ve caused you and thank you for your patience.

The Netflix Team

U2 fan ordered to destroy CDs.

I wish all U2 fans were ordered to destroy their CDs. From WikiNews:

A man living in South Wales, United Kingdom was ordered to destroy his entire music collection after creating a ruckus by listening to the music at an extremely high volume. Police seized his stereo equipment in a raid.

Airborne to cough up $30 million.

Airborne, that super-expensive immune booster that had no scientific merit or testing, has settled with the FTC and will provide $30 million in refunds to consumers. The last day for consumers to submit a claim is September 15, 2008. Click here if you're eligible.

Scientists: Beer goggles are real.

Beer... is there nothing it can't do?

From NewScientist:

The next time you hear someone blaming "beer goggles" for their behaviour, you may have to believe them. People really do appear more attractive when our perceptions are changed by drinking alcohol.

[...] Both men and women who had consumed alcohol rated the faces as being more attractive than did the controls. Surprisingly, the effect was not limited to the opposite sex - volunteers who had drunk alcholol also rated people from their own sex as more attractive.

Women on the Pill pick bad mates.

According to this LiveScience article, women typically choose men who smell different from them, because there's more genetic compatibility that way, or something or other. But when women start popping the Pill, they become attracted to guys who smell more similar to them.

From LiveScience:

The study involved about 100 women, aged 18 to 35, who chose which of six male body-odor samples they preferred. They were tested at the start of the study when none of the participants were taking contraceptive pills and three months later after 40 of the women had started taking the pill more than two months prior.

For the non-pill users, results didn't show a significant preference for similar or dissimilar MHC odors. When women started taking birth control, their odor preferences changed. These women were much more likely than non-pill users to prefer MHC-similar odors.

"The results showed that the preferences of women who began using the contraceptive pill shifted towards men with genetically similar odors," Roberts said.

I like this article because it provides scientific explanation for why loose women hang out with jerks, and it also infers that jerks smell like girls.