Chicago Tribune: An ode to Jeff Goldblum.

Every major paper should run loving tributes of the One True Goldblum.

Let us now praise Jeff Goldblum. Even in "The Switch."

To be clear, the new comedy starring Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman has some interesting wrinkles lifting it out of the romantic-comedy norm. One of them is the tall, eagle-eyed Goldblum who, as the male protagonist's work colleague and sounding board, does the best he can to make "Are you trying to tell me…" exposition worth hearing.

Goldblum's amused (and amusing; it's hard to be both at once) way with his lines, his rhythmic change-ups and — my favorite pointless bit — his comically challenging Thelonious Monk-like intro at the keyboard, just before he leads a group of kids and adults in "Happy Birthday": All these flourishes, mostly vocal, add up in small ways. Midway through the picture you realize you're really looking forward to the next time he comes back on screen.

We all have our favorite character actors. Many of them, such as Goldblum, have also taken leading roles in blockbusters, seemingly by chance or accident. His biggest were "Jurassic Park" and "Independence Day," and having an idiosyncratic performer lighten those big-budget loads amounted to very astute casting. If it were up to me, every bombastic summer picture would co-star Goldblum, J.K. Simmons, Kristen Wiig, Craig Robinson, Armin Mueller-Stahl and, in a surprise cameo, Bill Murray. "Transformers 4," right here!

More love here.

Coozer-Bits: Goldblum Edition.

Lame: Kate Gosselin is making the moves on The Goldblum.

Lame: The Goldblum is in another bland Jennifer Aniston rom-com - and he's not even the hunky male protagonist.

Duh: TV.com's top 10 horror remakes includes The Fly.

Awesome: Adam Resurrected gets a good review!

Happy Birthday, Jeff Goldblum!!

Congratulations to The Goldblum who has shared yet another full 365-day cycle with us puny mortals. Thank you, O Fly of Chaos, O Half-Gay Tall Guy.

More on The Goldblum and Alex from Lost.

Judgmental article rife with jealousy and spelling errors (corrected below). Item!

There were rumors back in June that actor Jeff Goldblum, 56, had met an unfortunate fate and had died while shooting a film. As everyone probably knows by now, Goldblum was part of a celebrity death hoax that spread around the internet.

Goldblum is not only very much alive, but is being seen flirting and cuddling his 21-year- old girlfriend, actress Tania Raymonde.

Their thirty-five-year age difference is not something new in Hollywood, or in the history of dating and mating, but it brings up the question; "how much of an age difference is too much?"

The old guideline for socially acceptable age differences in western culture was, the arbitrary, " half-your-age-plus seven," rule. Under this mathmatical formula you would take Goldblum's 56 years and divide by half (28) and then add seven more years for good measure. This would mean that it was fine if Raymonde was 35 years old. This would be a more familiar twenty-one-year age difference.

Anecdotally, most people can point to some successful relationship that they know where there has been a difference of 15 or 20 years. But when that number climbs upwards, people might begin thinking of Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall. Motives come into question when the age difference becomes far greater; especially if the elder partner has their money, social, or professional status at risk.

Goldblum "touched" by death reports.

So philosophical and incapable of anger! The Goldblum is truly benevolent.

Jeff Goldblum says he was "touched" by false reports that he had died during a trip to New Zealand last month.

The rumours, which began spreading on June 26, suggested Goldblum had fallen to his death while filming in New Zealand.

"Reports that Jeff Goldblum has passed away are completely untrue. He is fine and in Los Angeles," Goldblum's publicist Evelyn Karamanos told Stuff.co.nz on the day the rumours started spreading.

The viral spread of the Goldblum story triggered a flood of calls to New Zealand police, and Inspector Kerry Watson issued a statement: "Police at Kerikeri are receiving phone calls regarding a person falling from a cliff at Kauri Cliff. There is no such incident and police have no information to provide''.

Goldblum said he wasn't angry about the rumours and he thought they were "touching".

"This was a rare opportunity to experience your own death," Contactmusic.com reported the Jurassic Park star as saying.

"(Fans) still run into me on the street (and say), 'Glad to see you're alive!' I reconnected with people I hadn't seen in a long time.

"I wasn't angry, I was touched."

More here.

Coozer-Bits.

RUW: Panasonic creates robot that dispenses drugs.

Yipes: Super prickly cacti spreading in Australia. One prick can puncture a truck tire!

Sports: Yankees fan wins suit after being thrown out for pee break during "God Bless America."

Health: Nutrition labeling systems becoming more confusing, meaningless.

Misc: Britain launches full-scale review of its armed forces.

Dorky: Outer space gets its own internet. Uranus porn!

Aww: Dogs communicate where to find tasty treats through sniffing breath.

Yipes: Japan scientists to breed "super tuna"!

Politics: Half TRILLION dollar transportation bill mostly bipartisan earmarks and corruption.

Goldblum: Behind the fake report of The Goldblum's impossible demise.

Misc: Al Gore talks about something other than Sarah Palin or Michael Jackson. I guess it's not important.

Dorky: 15 science fiction film sequels that don't utterly suck.

Duh: Costa Rica is the world's happiest place.

Yipes: Top-class restaurant opens up inside of prison.

Science: Why were dinosaurs so big anyway?

Aww: Study: Self-help programs just make you feel worse.

The Goldblum is NOT dead!

The most important celebrity death news all week -- The Goldblum is alive!! Not that anything could kill The Goldblum. Dude will survive us all. From Brisbane Times:

They say bad news comes in threes.

Perhaps that explains major media outlets' rush to believe unconfirmed reports this morning that American actor Jeff Goldblum had died.

As the world came to terms with the news pop superstar Michael Jackson had suffered a heart attack and former Charlie's Angels actress Farrah Fawcett had lost her long battle with cancer, the rumour of Goldblum's death surfaced.

The news has now been revealed as a hoax.

But only after gaining widespread news coverage - from ABC Radio to Richard Wilkins on Channel Nine - and generating a flurry of activity on social networking websites.

"Jeff Goldblum dead" was at 11am the third-most popular search term on Google.

All the other top-10 search terms revealed on Google Trends related to Michael Jackson's death.

It appears the rumour of Goldblum's death originated on a spoof website that generates generic news stories about celebrity deaths.

(Thanks Kelly!)

OMG GOLDBLUM!

The Goldblum just defended flies on The Colbert Report.

OMG!

The Goldblum is LOVE.

Rumor: The Goldblum finds tongue is LOST in young actress' throat.

They would make the perfect couple since The Goldblum, like the Lost island, can travel through time. From Best Week Ever:

A tipster is reporting that 56-year-old actor Jeff Goldblum has once again robbed the sex cradle, as he was spotted making out in front of The Whitney with Tania Raymonde, 21, who played Alex, Ben/Rousseau’s daughter, on Lost (before she was killed off — thanks Dan for the info.) Says our tipster, “they were all huggy giggly.” Congrats to Tania, who can now say she got with that dude from Powder and ID4.

But you know what that means, don’t you? It means… GOLDBLUM HAS STILL GOT IT MOTHAF*CKUHS! No, really, he’s got it. He’s 56 years old and is in AMAZING shape and is Jeff Goldblum.

The Goldblum joins cast of Criminal Intent.

Or should we say that Criminal Intent finally joins The Goldblum?

Until now, episodes of Law & Order: Criminal Intent featured only one cast member who is definitely a character.

Robert Goren, as played in strange fashion by Vincent D'Onofrio, is a New York police detective who always seems about one emotional push away from insanity.

Now Goren has some competition. Jeff Goldblum has joined the cast, playing Detective Zach Nichols, a man with a mysterious past and a strange present.

D'Onofrio and Goldblum will alternate weeks as new episodes of the series air on TV3.

[...] Goldblum, seated next to D'Onofrio, explains his character in a way only Goldblum could.

"Well, I don't think we find literally out a lot about my back story. But you kind of glean things from the way I go about things. You know, a little bit. But the specifics, hmm, it's rationed, rationed," he says.

More here.

The Goldblum DESTROYS Law & Order.

By all accounts, The Goldblum awesomified Law & Order: Criminal Intent, as he is wont to do. From Videogum:

Last night was Jeff Goldblum's debut on Law And Order: Criminal Intent, and the entire show was HILARIOUS, not just because of Jeff's quirky, nerd-weirdo character, but because the plot was about a bunch of Williamsburg hipsters living in a huge loft and killing each other off in an effort to take over each other's spots in a shitty band. AND there's a red herring about how the murders could be caused by minorities in the neighborhood who think the hipsters are displacing them. It's ripped from the 2002 headlines! Jeff Goldblum had a bunch of really funny lines, but I'm going to have to say this exchange, with the parents of the first dead hipster, was his best work on his first episode:

(Link with video here)

Thanks JenK!

Teleportation a quantum leap closer.

I need to invent time travel just so I don't have to wait for teleportation to be perfected. I can't wait! From Time:

Depending on your favorite sci-fi yarns, teleportation is either a very, very bad idea (see: The Fly) or a very, very cool one (see: Star Trek). For scientists, it's just very, very complex, so much so that at this point, teleportation is not a matter of moving matter but one of transporting information. Already, physicists have been able to exchange information between light particles — or photons — or between atoms, so long as they were right next to each other. The current experiment marks the first in which information has traveled a significant distance — 1 m, or a little more than 3 ft. — between two isolated atoms. It's also the first time the powers of a photon, which is good at traveling over long distances, and an atom, which is prized for its ability to retain information, have been jointly exploited.

Using a pair of ions, or charged particles, group leader Christopher Monroe and his team place each in a vacuum and keep them in position with electric fields. An ultra-fast laser pulse triggers the atoms to emit photons simultaneously. If the photons interact in just the right way, their parent atoms enter a quantum state known as entanglement, in which atom B adopts the properties of atom A even though they're in separate chambers a meter apart. When A is measured, the information that had been previously encoded on it disappears in accordance with the quirky rules of the quantum world. But all is not lost: because B is entangled with A, B now contains the information that was once carried on A. That information, in a very real sense, has been teleported.

The 8 Best Drunk Jeff Goldblum Videos.

The Coozer Files does not condone this mockery of The Goldblum. Clearly, video editing techniques were used to falsify His mighty vocal inflections. We share this link with you to spread our outrage and demand justice.

My friend SPOKE with The Goldblum!

My friend asked me if I was a "fan" of "Jeff Goldblum".

I retorted: "I am not a 'fan' of The Goldblum. I am a disciple. I study His stuttered, chaos theory-inflected vocal rhythms to gain enlightenment in order to someday learn His Lost Mantra."

In my anger at her so casually using His first name, I failed to realize she had an AMAZING story to tell me about The Goldblum, in which she not only met his physical form and gave him her screenplay, but HE CALLED HER OUT OF THE BLUE TO THANK HER!

I will, of course, interview her soon and publish every word of this riveting development.

The Goldblum speaks!

The New York Post, of all things, somehow communicated directly with The Goldblum. Some excerpts:

How did you prepare for such a role [Adam Stein in "Adam Resurrected"]?

Luckily, I had a year to immerse myself in it. I went to Israel and worked with Paul Schrader, and went to Germany for a month to a concentration camp or two. I talked to survivors. I played the violin every day and took lessons. I worked with script interpretation with animals. [A dog becomes one of his closest companions in the film.] I even worked with Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer. So it was quite a life-changing year, in the most nourishing part I ever had.

How was it working with Schrader?

He was up for having a real powerful experience. There's a scene where I'm at my daughter's grave and realize that she was pregnant with my grandson, and I lose my mind. I'm crying, snot's coming out of my nose and after a take he said, "That's very good, but on the next take, get a handful of dirt, put that in your mouth, and eat it." I said, "Yeah, that's a good idea. That's very crazy." And I said, "Is there any kind of edible dirt that looks like dirt?" He said, "No, Jeff. Just eat that dirt." I said, "Really? Isn't that bad, with bugs and rocks and germs?" He said, "Look, Jeff. Here." And he took up a pile of dirt and put it in his mouth and he ate it. I said, "My god, Paul. OK. Here we go." So I did it, too. We both had a very life-changing experience doing this movie.

Goldblum: Extended Adam Resurrected clip online.

TheMovingPicture.net has a 3+ minute clip from Adam Resurrected, a film in which the Goldblum performs miracles. (So I guess he's playing himself.)

More people believe in aliens and ghosts than in God.

People need to stop acting dumb and start believing in things that actually exist. Like zombies. From LiveScience:

More people believe in aliens and ghosts than in God, a new survey finds, according to a British newspaper.

The survey, however, was done by a marketing firm in conjunction with the release of an X-Files DVD, and details of how the poll was conducted were not reported in the Daily Mail. Survey questions, depending on how they are written, can greatly skew results, along with how subjects are sampled.

That said, the poll of 3,000 people found that 58 percent believe in the supernatural, including paranormal encounters, while 54 percent believe God exists. Women were more likely than men to believe in the supernatural and were also more likely to visit a medium.

The Goldblum getting Oscar whispers even though film hasn't been picked up.

Spout's got some news about The Goldblum's latest tour de force. It's been said that His acting is so godlike in this film that distributors are afraid to go near it.

Remember Adam Resurrected, the Paul Schrader-directed, Jeff Goldblum-starring film that Paul saw at Telluride which made him admit to wanting “to make out with Jeff Goldblum in the back of his Toyota Prius”? I got an invite for a press screening for the film a couple of hours ago, which I thought was weird, because the last I heard, the film didn’t have distribution. Now Mike Jones at The Circuit has posted an item that solves the mystery: it looks like Bleiberg Entertainment, the company that financed the film, have decided that rather than wait for a distributor to pick it up and miss this Oscar season, they’ll fund a qualifying run for the film in New York and LA themselves.

The Goldblum = greatest crazy clown ever?

The Goldblum is getting rave reviews for his portrayal of a clown going insane after the horrors of the Holocaust. The Goldblum + insane clown + Holocaust = OSCAR GOLD.

The man is a genius thespian/Jewish Thor.