Army: Trauma is a good thing!

Some reassuring news from Army Times:

“Ever since my truck was hit with that IED, I’m getting along better with people and my views about things have changed. I actually seem happier. I thought things like this were supposed to mess you up. Am I crazy?”

Those words came from a service member with whom I worked during my first tour in Iraq. My response to him: “No, you are not crazy.”

Being exposed to traumatic experiences can alter how a person views the world — sometimes for the better. Post-traumatic growth is receiving much attention in the military mental health community. PTG is a scientific and philosophical approach to understanding the positive changes that can occur in individuals after a traumatic experience.

In the past, trauma has been viewed as a cause of psychological dysfunction. However, research shows that not all people develop sustained psychological problems after trauma. Some actually become emotionally and socially healthier after trauma exposure.

Why does this happen? Just as a building’s foundation can shift from an earthquake, how a person views and interprets the world can be shaken from a traumatic or series of traumatic events.

For example, after narrowly escaping serious injury or death, a service member who hates his life may adopt the worldview that “life is precious and I should be thankful for each day I have on Earth.” A service member who loses a best friend to a Humvee rollover comes to believe that “loved ones can leave this world at any moment, so it’s important to spend as much time with them as you can.”

Ethnic minority staff paid 10% less at UK equality watchdog group.

From the Daily Mail:

The Government’s controversial equality watchdog was last night accused of ‘rank hypocrisy’ for flouting its own policies on fair pay.

The Equality and Human Rights Commission has angered business leaders by ordering a crackdown on hard-pressed companies that fail to pay the same rates to employees doing similar work.

But official figures show that more than two years after it was set up to stamp out discrimination, the commission is paying its own ethnic minority workers almost ten per cent less than white staff – an embarrassment for its black chairman Trevor Phillips.

And disabled workers at the quango, which employs more than 500 staff, have slipped behind their able-bodied colleagues by nearly nine per cent.

Moreover, the figures show the pay gap for both minority groups has worsened over the past year, and female staff also face pay discrimination compared to male counterparts.

Cop leaves patrol car running, thief steals it.

From the NY Post:

A brazen car thief stole an NYPD highway patrol vehicle with a loaded shotgun inside this morning — and drove it all the way to La Guardia Airport — after a cop left it idling and unmanned while he got breakfast at a Bronx diner, authorities said.

The heist occurred at the corner of Cruger and Lydig avenues in Morris Park shortly before 8 a.m. when an officer grabbed a bite to eat at Lydig Coffee House, said sources.

The car thief sped away in the hot wheels, a marked Chevy Tahoe, and headed over the Whitestone Bridge, said sources.

Witnesses said the red-faced officer was only in the diner for two minutes when he ran out in a panic.

"All of a sudden I see a cop come out of the restaurant running. He was going crazy," said Sammy Obaid, an employee at a deli across from the greasy spoon. "He was on the phone, making calls. He was freaked out."

Russia tried to collapse US banks.

From Raw Story:

Russian interests attempted to force the U.S. government bailout of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac by selling off its holdings in the two entities in 2008, then urging China to do the same, according to former U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson.

Paulson's claim is carried by his forthcoming memoir, “On The Brink.” An early copy was obtained by Bloomberg News.

"The Russians made a 'top-level approach' to the Chinese 'that together they might sell big chunks of their GSE holdings to force the U.S. to use its emergency authorities to prop up these companies,' Paulson said, referring to the acronym for government sponsored entities," Bloomberg reported. "The Chinese declined, he said."

He reportedly added that he waited until returning to the U.S. before informing former President George W. Bush of what he called a "disruptive plan."

Argentine president tells citizens to eat pork for good sex.

This reminds me of Bill Clinton's "Burgers & BJ's" speech. From Yahoo! News:

Argentina's president thinks eating pig meat is really sexy.

Many people in this beef-loving nation reacted with surprise Thursday after Cristina Fernandez promoted pork in a speech during which she not only said pork is better than Viagra, but suggested she's personally proven it.

"I didn't know that eating pork improved sexual activity," Fernandez said in a meeting with representatives of the swine industry late Wednesday. "It is much more gratifying to eat some grilled pork than to take Viagra."

She even joked that "it was all good" after she enjoyed some pork with her husband, former President Nestor Kirchner.

Swiss halts deal to ID Americans with secret accounts.

From the Washington Post:

Americans who hid money from the Internal Revenue Service in secret Swiss bank accounts may escape exposure, at least for now.

An agreement between the U.S. and Swiss governments that was supposed to blow the cover on 4,450 accounts at Switzerland's largest bank is in danger of collapse.

The Swiss government said Wednesday that it has suspended the disclosure of information to the United States under the agreement and may seek to renegotiate the deal.

The announcement came days after a Swiss court ruled that it would be illegal for Switzerland to comply with the August accord. The court essentially declared that long-standing secrecy protections trumped the agreement. The decision came in a test case involving a UBS account holder who was fighting to stay in the shadows.

Woman beats cancer with booze and cigarettes.

From Ananova:

A Chinese woman who gave up her fight against cancer to go back to drinking and smoking heavily has made an amazing recovery.

Music teacher Tian Mei, 38, had to take early retirement 11 years ago when she was diagnosed with both cervical and rectal cancer, reports Chongqing Evening Post.

But after eight years of treatment, including chemotherapy, she still had both cancers and her weight had dropped by a third to just six stone.

"Then I thought it through - why not enjoy my remaining life, instead of spending it in hospitals and in sorrow," said Tian, of Chongqing.

For the last three years, she says she has smoked at least three packs of cigarettes and drank 12 large bottles of beer a day.

And - to the amazement of Tian and her doctors - a recent health check revealed the cancers had gone and she is putting on weight again.

Kiefer Sutherland loses $1m on cows.

Damnit, Chloe! I need those cows NOW! From ABC:

Kiefer Sutherland may play a tough guy on TV but in real life he got taken for nearly a million dollars in a cattle investment scam.

According to court papers, Sutherland invested $869,000 in cattle a few years ago, but the deal turned out to be, well, a bunch of bull.

Sutherland, who plays agent Jack Bauer on the hit series "24," was one of several victims of Michael Wayne Carr, a steer-roping promoter and cattle manager who is accused of bilking investors out of hundreds of thousands of dollars by the San Joaquin County, Calif., District Attorney's office.

Deputy District Attorney Stephen Maier told ABCNews.com that Carr was running a ponzi scheme in which he promised investors that he could purchase cows in Mexico and resell them in the U.S. for a huge profit.

Newsday.com only has 35 subscribers.

I have to reprint much of this article, because I too have been baffled by Newsday.com's hideous and broken redesign, and its suicidal business plan of paid-only content. From the NY Observer:

In late October, Newsday, the Long Island daily that the Dolans bought for $650 million, put its web site, newsday.com, behind a pay wall. The paper was one of the first non-business newspapers to take the plunge by putting up a pay wall, so in media circles it has been followed with interest. Could its fate be a sign of what others, including The New York Times, might expect?

So, three months later, how many people have signed up to pay $5 a week, or $260 a year, to get unfettered access to newsday.com?

The answer: 35 people. As in fewer than three dozen. As in a decent-sized elementary-school class.

That astoundingly low figure was revealed in a newsroom-wide meeting last week by publisher Terry Jimenez when a reporter asked how many people had signed up for the site. Mr. Jimenez didn't know the number off the top of his head, so he asked a deputy sitting near him. He replied 35.

Michael Amon, a social services reporter, asked for clarification.

"I heard you say 35 people," he said, from Newsday's auditorium in Melville. "Is that number correct?"

Mr. Jimenez nodded.

Hellville, indeed.

The web site redesign and relaunch cost the Dolans $4 million, according to Mr. Jimenez. With those 35 people, they've grossed about $9,000.

In that time, without question, web traffic has begun to plummet, and, certainly, advertising will follow as well.

Of course, there are a few caveats. Anyone who has a newspaper subscription is allowed free access; anyone who has Optimum Cable, which is owned by the Dolans and Cablevision, also gets it free. Newsday representatives claim that 75 percent of Long Island either has a subscription or Optimum Cable.

"We're the freebie newsletter that comes with your HBO," sniffed one Newsday reporter.

Mr. Jimenez was in no mood to apologize. "That's 35 more than I would have thought it would have been," said Mr. Jimenez to the assembled staff, according to five interviews with Newsday staffers.

"Given the number of households in our market that have access to Newsday's Web site as a result of other subscriptions, it is no surprise that a relatively modest number have chosen the pay option," said a Cablevision spokeswoman.

Nevertheless, traffic has fallen. In December, the web site had 1.5 million unique visits, a drop from 2.2 million in October, according to Nielsen Media Online.

In the short time that the Dolans have owned Newsday, it's been a circus. When they were closing the deal to buy the paper in May 2008, they had their personal spokesman scream at an editor who assigned a reporter to visit the Dolans, seeking comment; there was a moment back in January of last year, when Newsday editor John Mancini walked out of the newsroom because of a dispute over how the paper was handling the Knicks; in the summer, the paper refused to run ads by Verizon, a rival; Tim Knight, the paper's publisher, and John Mancini, the editor, eventually both left.

The paper, which traditionally has been a powerful money maker, lost $7 million in the first three quarters of last year, according to Mr. Jimenez at last week's meeting.

In October, the web site relaunched and was redesigned. One of the principals behind the redesign is Mr. Mancini's replacement, editor Debby Krenek.

To say the least, the project has not been a newsroom favorite. "The view of the newsroom is the web site sucks," said one staffer.

"It's an abomination," said another.

Happy 50th Birthday, Bubble Wrap!!

Without a doubt, the greatest invention of the 20th century. From PopSci:

America's beloved Bubble Wrap turns 50 today, proving that even ephemeral plastic bubbles can morph into a timeless invention. But consider that if the original inventors had their way, people would have used "Air Cap" as wallpaper -- a concept that would have undoubtedly proved as fulfilling as the prototype model future homes of the 1950s.

Bubble Wrap represents perhaps the ultimate garage invention as the brainchild of New Jersey engineers Marc Chavannes and Al Fielding in 1960. Yet it only took off as fun air-filled shipping material after the wall decor idea died, and people soon discovered the joys of popping each air-filled bubble by hand, or en masse using their bodies or other implements.

Manufacturer Sealed Air Corp. has recognized the joy that its product brings by officially declaring this Monday Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day. Part of the celebration involves a limited one-day run of golden Bubble Wrap at the company's Saddle River, N.J. facility, and the rest is presumably up to the end users.

World's least-known bird rediscovered.

From here:

A species of bird, which has only been observed alive on three previous occasions since it was first discovered in 1867, has been rediscovered in a remote land corridor in north-eastern Afghanistan. The discovery was made as part of an international collaboration, which included researchers at the University of Gothenburg.

During the summer of 2008, the American ornithologist Robert J Timmins was commissioned by the American aid organisation USAID to compile an inventory of bird species in the Badakshan province in north-eastern Afghanistan. He managed to record the call of a species of bird that was as yet unknown.

The recording found its way to the Swedish ornithologist Lars Svensson, who was quick to note that the recorded birdsong did not resemble that of any known species of bird. But from Timmins' description of the species, he soon began to suspect what kind of bird was on the recording...

Clumsy woman trips into Picasso painting, tears it.

From NY Daily News:

A clutzy art lover tripped onto a rare Picasso painting at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, tearing a hole in the century-old masterpiece, the museum said Sunday.

The unidentified woman was attending an adult education class Friday afternoon when she lost her balance and stumbled into "The Actor," causing a 6-inch tear in the bottom of the canvas.

"Fortunately, the damage did not occur in a focal point of the composition," the Met said in a statement, adding that the damage can be fully repaired.

Pablo Picasso created "The Actor," an unusually large painting measuring about 6 feet by 4 feet, in the winter of 1904-'05.

It depicts an acrobat striking a pose and marks a transition to the artist's rose period.

The artwork, which was donated to the Met in 1952, hung in a second-floor gallery without incident until Friday.

The painting is expected to be repaired in time to go on display in an exhibit of some 250 Picasso works that opens April 27.

Gary Coleman arrested; can't make $1,725 bail.

This is kinda sad. From here.

Gary Coleman was arrested Sunday for domestic violence, authorities said.

The former child star was arrested in Santaquin, Utah on a domestic assault warrant and booked into the Utah County jail about 1:30 p.m., according to the Utah County Sheriff's Office.

He was wanted for one count of domestic assault - a misdemeanor - though it's unclear when the incident occurred. Utah County Deputy Denton, who declined to give her first name, said the warrant stemmed from a missed court date.

Coleman is working on posting bail of $1,725, Denton said, and the jail doesn't have any record of who his alleged victim was.

The "Diff'rent Strokes" star had another run in with cops only recently, when his wife locked her husband out of their house and unleashed a profane tirade at police in their drive way in July.

"F--- you and f--- him!" Shannon Price, 23, screamed before her arrest.

"You deserve this after how you treated me!" she shouted at Coleman was the star stood amidst toppled furniture, scattered DVDs and strewn clothes.

Coleman, 41, was not injured, although a police report said "his bedroom was destroyed."

Price was charged with misdemeanor domestic violence and disorderly conduct.

The pair met on the set of the comedy film "Church Ball" just five months before exchanging vows.

In 2008, the couple almost split during an appearance on the syndicated "Divorce Court," where Price described Coleman as distant and depressed.

Coleman also pleaded no contest in 2008 to charges he rammed a fan with his truck outside a bowling alley.

Aerosmith's Steven Tyler sings own song in karaoke bar.

From M&C:

Rocker Steven Tyler has been spotted for the first time since leaving rehab - in a karaoke bar.

The Aerosmith frontman reportedly checked into rehab in December, seeking treatment for dependency on prescription drugs after admitting he had become addicted to pills following years of injuries sustained on stage.

But since then, he had not been seen until he resurfaced at the Tilted Kilt pub in Palm Springs, California.

A Tilted Kilt DJ said he was accompanied by a management team, including a publicist who said Tyler wasn't going to sing.

But after listening to two other people get booed off stage after singing the Aerosmith classic I Don't Want To Miss A Thing, Tyler grabbed the microphone.

He then sang his 1998 hit, much to the delight of the crowd.

DJ Mike May revealed: 'Two amateur singers told Tyler they were going to perform a version of I Don't Want To Miss A Thing that was going to totally suck.

'But Tyler gave them his blessing but when their prediction proved true, the crowd started booing them off the stage, although he was very gracious and very kind.

'I began singing along to try to save the show when all of a sudden, near the end of the song Tyler grabbed the mic and started singing.

'The whole frickin' bar surrounded him and he just started singing the whole thing. I announced Tyler to the stunned crowd and said: 'Karaoke will never get better then that'.

'It was like one of those moments. It was a club DJ's dream come true.'

Neptune and Uranus may have oceans of liquid diamond.

From PopSci:

Future humans won't have to wait to travel to Pandora for the chance to mine unobtanium, because Neptune and Uranus may have diamond icebergs floating atop liquid diamond seas closer to home. The surprise finding comes from the first detailed measurements of the melting point of diamond, Discovery News reports.

Scientists zapped diamond with a laser at pressures 40 million times greater than the Earth's atmosphere at sea level, and then slowly reduced both temperature and pressure. They eventually found that diamond behaves like water during freezing and melting, and that chunks of diamond will float in the liquid diamond.

Diamond oceans could explain why the magnetic fields of Uranus and Neptune appear tilted so far off their north-south axes, given that they could deflect or tilt the magnetic fields. Both planets may consist of up to 10 percent carbon, the elemental building block of diamond.

Scientists won't know for sure until they can launch missions to the planets, or try to simulate planetary conditions on Earth. But we'd wager it's worth a shot for NASA, if there's any chance that U.S. space missions could begin to pay for themselves in the distant future.

Experts find bones of English princess.

From SFGate:

Experts say they may have found the body of England's Princess Eadgyth, more than 1,000 years after she was carted off to Germany to marry an ambitious Saxon duke.

Bristol University in western England said Wednesday that if scientific tests on the bones prove conclusive, it would make Eadgyth (pronounced 'Edith') the oldest member of the English royal family whose remains have survived. The bones were found in Magdeburg, Germany.

Eadgyth was born at the dawn of the 10th century, when England was still divided into a patchwork of Anglo-Saxon and Viking fiefdoms. Her brother King Athelstan kicked the Vikings out of York and routed the Scots and Irish in a massive battle around 937.

Historians consider him the first king to effectively rule of all of England.

NY Times to charge again for online content.

RIP: New York Times (1851 - 2011).

Article below from SFGate, and the Times' own story here.

The New York Times says it will charge readers for full access to its Web site starting in 2011, a risky move aimed at drawing more revenue online without driving away advertisers that want the biggest possible audience.

The potential pitfalls have made most other major newspapers hesitant to take a similar step. But after months of deliberation, the Times said Wednesday it will use a metered system, allowing free access to a certain number of articles and then charging users for additional content.

The Times did not disclose how many articles will be available for free and what it will charge to read more. Subscribers to the printed version of the Times would still have free access to the Web site.

It would not be the first time the newspaper has tried to charge for its online articles.

It charged for its Web site in 1996 but attracted only about 4,000 subscribers. Another experiment called Times Select, which required a $50 annual subscription to read Times columnists, drew 221,000 customers but was scrapped in 2007 because it dented ad sales. Advertisers generally pay more for higher Web traffic.

The new approach resembles the one used at The Financial Times. The idea is to draw casual readers with free articles while getting fees from people who want to go deeper on the site.

Stem cells become functioning neurons in mice.

From Yahoo! News:

Transplanted neurons grown from embryonic stem cells were able to form proper brain connections in newborn mice, U.S. scientists report.

Researchers from Stanford Medical School say their study was the first to show that stem cells can be directed to become specific brain cells and to link correctly in the brain. The findings, they say, could help in efforts to develop new treatments for spinal cord injuries and nervous system diseases such as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS, also called Lou Gehrig's disease.

The researchers focused on brain cells that transmit information from the brain's cortex. Some of the cortical neurons are responsible for muscle control and are the ones lost or damaged in people with spinal cord injuries and ALS.

"These stem cell-derived neurons can grow nerve fibers between the brain's cerebral cortex and the spinal cord, so this study confirms the use of stem cells for therapeutic goals," the research team's leader, James Weimann, said in a news release from the Society for Neuroscience.

FBI illegally collected phone records.

From ABC News:

The FBI violated the law in collecting about 2,000 U.S. telephone records during the Bush administration, though the violations weren't intentional, officials said Tuesday.

Citing internal memos and interviews, the Washington Post said the FBI invoked nonexistent terrorism emergencies or persuaded phone companies to provide information as it illegally gathered records between 2002 and 2006.

The bureau said in 2007 that it had improperly obtained some phone records, and the Justice Department inspector general is expected to release a report later this month detailing the extent of the problem.

FBI spokesman Michael Kortan said Tuesday the pending report "is not expected to find — nor were there — any intentional attempts to obtain records that counterterrorism personnel knew they were not legally entitled to obtain."

The problem centered around requests to phone companies for records of incoming and outgoing calls to a particular number — not the actual content of the conversations.

Dead: Taco Bell founder.

I wonder if his coffin will be crunchy or soft. From Yahoo! News:

Glen W. Bell Jr., an entrepreneur best known as the founder of the Taco Bell chain, has died. He was 86.

Bell died Sunday at his home in Rancho Santa Fe, according to a statement posted Monday on the Taco Bell Web site.

The Irvine-based company did not release a cause of death.

"Glen Bell was a visionary and innovator in the restaurant industry, as well as a dedicated family man," Greg Creed, president of Taco Bell, said in the statement.

Bell launched his first restaurant, called Bell's Drive-In, in 1948 in San Bernardino after seeing the success of McDonald's Bar-B-Que, the predecessor of McDonald's, which was founded in the same city in 1940. Like McDonald's, Bell's restaurant sought to take advantage of Southern California's car culture by serving hamburgers and hot dogs through drive-in windows.

The World War II veteran next helped establish Taco Tias in Los Angeles, El Tacos in the Long Beach area, and Der Wienerschnitzel, a national hot dog chain.

Bell launched Taco Bell in 1962 in Downey after cutting ties with his business partners and quickly expanding around Los Angeles.

He sold the first Taco Bell franchise in 1964. In 1978, Bell sold his 868 Taco Bell restaurants to PepsiCo for $125 million in stock.

Taco Bell is now owned by Yum! Brands and is the largest Mexican fast-food chain in the nation, serving more than 36.8 million consumers each week in more than 5,600 U.S. locations.

Mayor caught on camera stealing women's underwear.

Thanks to our resident underwear expert, Larissa! From The Telegraph:

Stafford, 59, was seen walking into the woman’s bedroom, rifling through her drawers, and selecting a pair of knickers he wanted to wear.

The bachelor, who had twice been elected mayor of Preesall and Knott End, near Fleetwood, Lancs, then performed a sex act before leaving the building.

Police later found a collection of underwear, identical to the items reported stolen, at his home.

The woman who made the recording was one of three Stafford targeted between January 1 and June 26 last year.

She decided to install a hidden camera after noticing that some of her underwear was disappearing.

Two other victims also contacted police over the disappearance of items of their own underwear.

Austrian scientists use live pigs in avalanche experiment.

From EarthTimes:

Vienna - Austrian animal rights groups protested Thursday against scientific experiments on survival conditions in avalanches that use live pigs. An international group of scientists on Tuesday started burying anaesthetized pigs in the snow in the Oetztal valley in Tyrol, where they suffocate or freeze to death, in order to learn about how people die in avalanches.

"It is absolutely unacceptable to kill these highly sensitive, helpless animals for such a useless experiment," said Johanna Stadler, director of the Vier Pfoten animal rights group.

The experiment under the leadership of university clinic for anesthesia in Innsbruck involves burying 29 pigs over two weeks, broadcaster ORF reported. Some animals are fully covered in snow, while others are buried to their neck.

Trend Spotting: Karaoke taxis.

From EarthTimes:

Muenster, Germany - On a Friday night shortly before midnight taxi driver Nizamettin Kilincli picks up a group of women who begin singing loudly in the back of his cab. While some drivers consider this the worst type of fare, Kilincli welcomes the women, even encourages them to sing. Seated in the back, beer bottles in hand, the six tipsy women belt out German pop hits, amplifying the fun they are having getting to their destination.

Kilincli's taxi is a bit different from others in the north-western German city of Muenster. The German association of taxi and rental car companies says his is the only karaoke taxi in Germany.

The cab is specially equipped so that customers can sing while travelling to their destination. Two years ago the 46-year-old taxi driver came up with the idea of putting a video screen on the ceiling behind the driver's seat. Passengers can request music videos and they are encouraged to sing along with the lyrics, which appear in red.

Coozer-Bits.

Health: Green tea may block lung cancer.

Dorky: Most beautiful math structure appears in lab for first time.

Film: How to make a Michael Cera movie.

Cthulhu Watch: 2010 summed up so far in squid.

Yipes: Monster Great White shark, longer than a bus, eats swimmer.

Cthulhu Watch: Mysterious tentacled creature washes up in British Columbia.

David Copperfield makes rape case magically disappear.

From BBC:

A two-year rape investigation against magician David Copperfield has been closed without charges being filed, US authorities have said.

A Seattle woman, whose identity has not been disclosed, claimed he sexually assaulted her on his private island in the Bahamas in 2007.

His lawyers have previously dismissed her claims as an attempt at "extortion for money, plain and simple".

The woman's lawyer, Rebecca Roe, said her client was "disappointed".

"But it wasn't completely unexpected given the jurisdictional issue of prosecuting him here for something that happened on his private island," Ms Roe added.

The US Attorney's Office in Seattle said the decision "should not be perceived as a comment on guilt or innocence".

Girls grows new face.

This.. just... wow. From here.

A Swedish teenager has a new face - re-grown after a rare illness tore off her skin.

Eva Uhlin, 19, was hit by Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis following an allergic reaction to painkiller paracetamol.

The disease gripped her whole body, causing her skin to burn up and scab over before falling off. Eva spent weeks lying zombie-like in a hospital bed as the condition ran its course.

But three years on the skin has grown back, leaving her finally happy to reveal her face in public.

Eva, from Linkoping, Sweden, said: "What happened was terrifying - like something out of a horror film.

"It felt like something was crawling around under my skin. I was in shock."

One doctor who treated her said: "This condition strikes only one in a million people. It was due to the painkiller and a virus Eva had."

Horrific pictures of her face in zombie phase are here. Warning: Graphic.

Blood bank offers beer for blood.

Awesome, just hook it up in the IV! From Ananova:

A US blood bank is offering beer in exchange for blood to try to encourage more people to donate.

Cascade Regional Blood Services in Tacoma, Washington state, is offering donors a free pint of beer every time they give blood, reports Metro.

Donors, who have to be over 21, are given a coupon entitling them to the free pint when they donate blood through the 'Give blood, get beer' scheme.

The blood centre says that the scheme has worked so well that it is being expanded.

The coupon can be redeemed at a number of local pubs and restaurants - although, in the interests of health, they have to wait at least four hours after the donation has taken place before they can give the person their beer.

How to help Haiti's earthquake victims.

Haiti is one of the world's poorest countries. It has just been hit with its worst earthquake in 200 years. Port-au-Prince has been devastated and thousands are feared dead. This link has a list of organizations that are responding immediately and links to their donation pages.

And from the US State Department:

"For missing family, call 1-888-407-4747. To help with relief efforts, text "HAITI" to "90999" and $10 will be given automatically to the Red Cross, charged to your cell phone bill. Or visit Red Cross and Mercy Corps to contribute."

Avatar audiences depressed by real life.

From CNN:

James Cameron's completely immersive spectacle "Avatar" may have been a little too real for some fans who say they have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts after seeing the film because they long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora.

On the fan forum site "Avatar Forums," a topic thread entitled "Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible," has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie.

"I wasn't depressed myself. In fact the movie made me happy ," Baghdassarian said. "But I can understand why it made people depressed. The movie was so beautiful and it showed something we don't have here on Earth. I think people saw we could be living in a completely different world and that caused them to be depressed."

A post by a user called Elequin expresses an almost obsessive relationship with the film.

"That's all I have been doing as of late, searching the Internet for more info about 'Avatar.' I guess that helps. It's so hard I can't force myself to think that it's just a movie, and to get over it, that living like the Na'vi will never happen. I think I need a rebound movie," Elequin posted.

A user named Mike wrote on the fan Web site "Naviblue" that he contemplated suicide after seeing the movie.

"Ever since I went to see 'Avatar' I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na'vi made me want to be one of them. I can't stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it," Mike posted. "I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in 'Avatar.' "

Other fans have expressed feelings of disgust with the human race and disengagement with reality.

Burglar steals shoes, photos of men.

From Breitbart:

NEWARK, Del. (AP) - Newark police are looking for a burglar who steals men's shoes and photos that depict men. Five homes have been burglarized since Dec. 26 by a man who entered through an unlocked door or window or forced entry through a rear door. Police said the burglar searches the bedrooms and makes off with men's shoes and photographs of men.

After one of the burglaries, the suspect was seen driving away in a yellow Mitsubishi with Delaware tags.

Dopamine levels influence decision making.

From BBC:

Dopamine, a chemical with a key role in setting people's moods, could have a much wider-ranging impact on their everyday lives, research suggests.

Experiments show that altering levels of the chemical in the brain influences the decisions people make.

One expert said the results showed the relative importance of "gut feeling" over analytical decision making.

The Current Biology study could help understand how expectation of pleasure can go awry, for example in addiction.

It follows previous research by the University College London team, which, using imaging techniques, detected a signal in the brain linked to how much someone enjoyed an experience. They found that signal could in turn predict the choices a person made.

With the suspicion that the signal was dopamine, the researchers set up a study to test how people make complex decisions when their dopamine system has been tampered with.

Smoke flavor may be toxic to humans.

So much for my bacon-flavored beer idea. From BBC:

The European Food Safety Authority (EFSA) says one of the flavourings used to give smoke flavour to meat, cheese or fish, may be toxic to humans.

The authority looked at 11 smoke flavourings commonly used in the European Union.

It says several of the flavourings are dangerously close to levels which may cause harm to humans.

The European Commission will now establish a list of smoke-flavouring products that are safe for use in food.

The smoke flavourings are products which can be added to foods to give them a "smoked" flavour, as an alternative to traditional smoking.

EFSA says it "cannot rule out concerns" about a flavouring called Primary Product AM 01, which is obtained from beech wood.

The wood particles are burnt under controlled conditions and the hot vapours are dissolved in a solvent.

The Panel says the use of the substance "at the intended levels is a safety concern".

Mysterious planet is vaporized.

Oh, CoRoT-7b, we hardly knew ye. From ABC:

Astronomers appear to have caught an exoplanet – a planet orbiting another star – in the middle of a cosmic vanishing act.

The planet, tagged CoRoT-7b, first hit the headlines last September when a team of astronomers confirmed the orb as the smallest exoplanet yet found. Its diameter is roughly 1.7 times that of Earth. Based on its size and mass, its density is similar to Earth's, indicating that it is a rocky Earth-like orb.

But it wasn't always this small. Scientists estimate that CoRoT-7b initially tipped the cosmic scales at 100 times more mass than Earth and orbited the star at a distance of about 2.3 million miles.

New findings suggest its proximity to its sun gives it a molten-hot surface temperature that is causing the planet to slowly vaporize.

If the astronomers' calculations are correct, the planet could be the first of a new class of planets, which astronomers have dubbed "evaporated remnant cores."

Coozer-Bits.

Duh: Americans ask stupid questions when traveling (within the US).

Politics: Japan comes clean on secret nuke deals with the US.

RUW: World's first sex robot can also discuss football.

Cthulhu Watch: Deadly jellyfish attacks man... 25 meters above the water!

Creepy: More on the girl who weeps blood.

WTF: Crime lord's penis falls off during raid.

Health: Urine test can detect dangerous snoring.

Yipes: Man arrested for assault with cable box.

Hero: Obama doesn't want his speech interrupting the Lost premiere.

Soda fountains contain fecal bacteria.

Even more disgusting than that, some soda fountains even contain Mountain Dew. From CNN:

It fizzes. It quenches. And it could also contain fecal bacteria.

Nearly half of the 90 beverages from soda fountain machines in one area in Virginia tested positive for coliform bacteria -- which could indicate possible fecal contamination, according to a study published in the January issue of International Journal of Food Microbiology.

Researchers also detected antibiotic-resistant microbes and E.coli in the soda samples.

"Certainly we come in contact with bacteria all the time," Renee Godard, lead author of the study and professor of biology and environmental studies at Hollins University, a private liberal arts college in Roanoke, Virginia. "It's simply that some bacteria may potentially cause some disease or gastrointestinal distress. One thing we hesitate with is that people get afraid of bacteria. Many of them are benign or helpful, but certainly, I don't want E.coli in my beverage."

The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency's drinking-water regulations require that all samples test negative for E.coli.

Many of the soda beverages from the dispensers fell below U.S. drinking-water standards, according to the findings.

"The large number of beverages and soda fountain machines containing E. coli is still of considerable concern... and suggests that more pathogenic strains of bacteria could persist and thrive in soda fountain machines if introduced," the authors wrote.

Scam artists win Mega Millions.

From the NY Post:

The Long Island couple who won a $162 million Mega Millions jackpot will today receive $1 million less of their winnings, the million bucks being put aside to pay back the public for a scam they ran while operating homeless shelters, sources said.

A lawyer for Suffolk County got a court order last night – after officials went to a judge to get back the money they say William and Mary Morrison, of Miller Place, took under false pretenses in 2000, officials said.

Suffolk County Attorney Christine Malafi ``received an order from Supreme Court to put aside $1 million in escrow from their winnings,’’ said Suffolk Department of Social Services commissioner Gregory J. Blass.

Blass said the Morrisons should receive their money today at a 2 p.m. press conference in garden City – ``but it will be $1 million less.

``We know this has made the Morrisons cranky,’’ said Blass, in an ironic tone ``but having $1 million less is a sacrifice they can endure.’’ After taxes and deductions the couple should net more than $60 million.

Blass said the Morrison’s lawyer Michael Solomon did not oppose the court order. He could not be reached for comment.

The county yesterday scrambled to recover funds meant for the homeless after the Morrisons yesterday revealed their identities and authorities realized the couple - who are set today to receive their prize money – were the same couple who owed more than $950,000.

Witch-doctors reveal extent of child sacrifice in Uganda.

From BBC:

A BBC investigation into human sacrifice in Uganda has heard first-hand accounts which suggest ritual killings of children may be more common than authorities have acknowledged.

One witch-doctor led us to his secret shrine and said he had clients who regularly captured children and brought their blood and body parts to be consumed by spirits.

Meanwhile, a former witch-doctor who now campaigns to end child sacrifice confessed for the first time to having murdered about 70 people, including his own son.

The Ugandan government told us that human sacrifice is on the increase, and according to the head of the country's Anti-Human Sacrifice Taskforce the crime is directly linked to rising levels of development and prosperity, and an increasing belief that witchcraft can help people get rich quickly.

In the course of our investigation we witnessed the ritual torching of the shrine of a particularly active witch-doctor in northern Uganda by anti-sacrifice campaigners.

The witch-doctor allowed ceremonial items including conch shells and animal skins to be burned in his sacred grove after agreeing to give up sacrifice.

He told us that clients had come to him in search of wealth.

"They capture other people's children. They bring the heart and the blood directly here to take to the spirits… They bring them in small tins and they place these objects under the tree from which the voices of the spirits are coming," he said.

Asked how often clients brought blood and body parts, the witch-doctor said they came "on average three times a week - with all that the spirits demand from them."

Coozer-Bits.

Science: Huge breakthrough on how a protein is liked to the spread of viruses.

Science: Hubble finds most distant galaxies.

Lame: Restaurants and packaged foods have more calories than noted on nutrition labels.

Prophesy: Runaway anti-matter destroys star, explosion can be seen halfway across galaxy.

Hot Cha Cha: $30m Senegal statue shows too much thigh.

Film: Dune being remade for some reason.

Scientists: Dolphins should be treated as non-human people.

Dolphins rule. From FOX News:

Dolphins have been declared the world's second most intelligent creatures after humans, with scientists suggesting they are so bright that they should be treated as "non-human persons."

Studies into dolphin behavior have highlighted how similar their communications are to those of humans and that they are brighter than chimpanzees. These have been backed up by anatomical research showing that dolphin brains have many key features associated with high intelligence.

The researchers argue that their work shows it is morally unacceptable to keep such intelligent animals in amusement parks or to kill them for food or by accident when fishing. Some 300,000 whales, dolphins and porpoises die in this way each year.

"Many dolphin brains are larger than our own and second in mass only to the human brain when corrected for body size," said Lori Marino, a zoologist at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, who has used magnetic resonance imaging scans to map the brains of dolphin species and compare them with those of primates.

"The neuroanatomy suggests psychological continuity between humans and dolphins and has profound implications for the ethics of human-dolphin interactions," she added.

Dolphins have long been recognised as among the most intelligent of animals but many researchers had placed them below chimps, which some studies have found can reach the intelligence levels of three-year-old children. Recently, however, a series of behavioral studies has suggested that dolphins, especially species such as the bottlenose, could be the brighter of the two. The studies show how dolphins have distinct personalities, a strong sense of self and can think about the future.

Researchers: The G-spot doesn't exist.

It's not surprising that scientists can't find the G-spot. From BBC:

The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it.

Their study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine is the biggest yet, involving 1,800 women, and it found no proof.

The King's College London team believe the G-spot may be a figment of women's imagination, encouraged by magazines and sex therapists.

But sexologist Beverley Whipple, who helped popularise the G-spot idea, said the work was "flawed".

She said the researchers had discounted the experiences of lesbian or bisexual women and failed to consider the effects of having different sexual partners with different love-making techniques.

The women in the study, who were all pairs of identical and non-identical twins, were asked whether they had a G-spot.

If one did exist, it would be expected that both identical twins, who have the same genes, would report having one.

But this pattern did not emerge and the identical twins were no more likely to have a G-spot than non-identical twins who share only half of their genes.

CIA bomber was CIA double agent.

Already old news, but damn. From BBC:

The suicide bomber who killed seven CIA agents in Afghanistan was an al-Qaeda double agent, US media reports say.

He is said to have been a doctor from Jordan, arrested there a year ago.

He was then reportedly recruited by the Jordanians and CIA, who wrongly thought they had turned him, and given a mission to find al-Qaeda leaders.

The reports came as the top US military intelligence officer in Afghanistan issued a scathing assessment of the state of the intelligence effort there.

In a report, Maj Gen Michael Flynn said that US intelligence in Afghanistan was still "unable to answer fundamental questions about the environment in which US and allied forces operate and the people they are trying to protect and persuade".

ESPN to launch 3D TV network.

Finally, I can watch hours of poker in thrilling 3D! From Reuters:

The Walt Disney Co's sports unit said on Tuesday it will launch ESPN 3D, which it claims is the industry's first 3D TV network, in June and will air a minimum of 85 live sporting events during its first year.

"This will be a meaningful step to drive adoption of 3D television sets and afford opportunities for our affiliates to create value through new product offerings, and our advertisers, who want fresh sponsorship opportunities," Sean Bratches, ESPN's executive vice president of sales and marketing, said in a statement.

Already a hit in movie theaters, many believe 3D is poised to take over the home market as the display technology to watch this year. Many 3D technologies will be on display at the annual Consumer Electronics Show this week in Las Vegas.

A lack of 3D programing, in particular for sports, has been one of the key barriers to adoption of 3D TV, analysts have said. Having to wear special glasses is another.

In addition, sports, perhaps even more than movies, is a prime driver of consumer sales for screen technology, including flat-screen TVs.

ESPN said its first broadcast will be a June 11 World Cup soccer match between South Africa and Mexico. Other events to be produced in 3D include up to 25 World Cup matches, the Summer X Games extreme sports, college basketball and football, including the BCS National Championship game in Glendale, Arizona, on January 10, 2011.

Kitchen spoons will kill us all.

From EurekAlert:

A new study published in the Jan. 5 issue of the Annals of Internal Medicine illustrates the dangers of using kitchen spoons to measure liquid medicine.

Former cold and flu sufferers were asked to pour one teaspoon of nighttime flu medicine into kitchen spoons of differing sizes. Depending upon the size of the spoon, the 195 former patients poured an average of eight percent too little or 12 percent too much medicine.

"When pouring into a medium-size tablespoon, participants under-dosed. But when using a larger spoon, they poured too much medicine," said Dr. Brian Wansink, Director of the Cornell Food and Brand Lab, who led the study.

"Twelve percent more may not sound like a lot, but this goes on every four to eight hours, for up to four days," Wansink explained. "So it really adds up—to the point of ineffectiveness or even danger."

Visual illusions and spatial relationships are familiar topics in Wansink's work in food and eating behavior. In his book Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think, he shows how smaller plates can unknowingly decrease how much people eat, and how taller glasses can decrease the amount of alcohol poured by even expert bartenders.

"Simply put, we cannot always trust our ability to estimate amounts," said the study's co-author, Dr. Koert van Ittersum, Assistant Professor of Marketing at Georgia Tech. "In some cases it may not be important, but when it comes to the health of you or your child, it is vital to make an accurate measurement."

The most dangerous sport? Cheerleading.

From ABC News:

[...] Cheerleading has long been an iconic American pastime, and it is now more popular than ever. By one estimate, 3 million young people cheer, more than 400,000 at the high school level. And cheerleaders are no longer only on the sidelines -- many cheer competitively.

The degree of difficulty of cheer stunts has exploded. So too has the number of accidents.

Cheerleading emergency room visits have increased almost sixfold over the past three decades. There were nearly 30,000 in 2008, according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission.

The numbers are all the more disturbing because some states don't even recognize cheerleading as a sport. That means there are no uniform safety measures and training methods.

Woman puts fist through McDonald's window over lack of McNuggets.

From Breitbart:

TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) - Police say an Ohio woman punched through a McDonald's drive-through window because Chicken McNuggets weren't available. Police were called Friday to the restaurant in Toledo.

Police say 24-year-old Melodi Dushane was treated for injuries, then jailed. She pleaded not guilty to a vandalism charge. She was released on a recognizance bond and ordered not to have contact with the restaurant. The phone number for her home address isn't listed.

A manager at the McDonald's declined Monday to discuss the incident.

Couple arrested for tattooing children with crosses.

From MyFoxDC via Drudge:

CHATTOOGA COUNTY, Ga. - A Georgia couple is out of jail on bond after being arrested for tattooing six of their children.

Investigators say they put their children in danger, but they say they did nothing wrong.

Investigators said a plastic pen body with a needle made of a guitar string connected to an electric motor was used to tattoo the six children.

"It's a painful procedure with a crude instrument," said Chattooga County Sheriff John Everett.

Sheriff Everett said five children got a cross like tattoo on their hands, the oldest boy, a tattoo of "mom and dad' on his arm.

Sheriff Everett continued "7-years-old to 17. The 7-year-old's the one that didn't' receive a tattoo. They determined he was too young."

"I'm not breaking their skin, it's right there, it's going to fade away. It's like a pen mark," said the children’s mother PattyJo Marsh.

Sheriff Everett said investigators came after receiving a complaint from the biological mother of two of the children complaining about the tattoos.

Patty Marsh and her husband are charged with three counts each of illegal tattooing, second degree child cruelty and reckless conduct.

Man makes off with discarded bank heist booty.

From the NY Post:

A bank robber running from police dropped a bag full of cash in the heart of Chinatown yesterday -- but the money is still missing because an opportunist made off with the booty.

Police said the robber, who was not identified, walked into the TD Bank branch on Canal Street and Bowery at the foot of the Manhattan Bridge at about 1:30 p.m. He claimed to be armed and verbally demanded cash from a teller.

But just steps from the bank, a uniformed cop spotted the crook and chased him. As the robber ran, a dye packet inside the cash bag went off.

"I was right outside the bank. A man came running out," said witness Bun Lam. "There was a cop two steps behind him . . . Right in front of a beauty-supply store, the ink exploded."

The robber dropped the bag and continued to run, witnesses said, and another unidentified man picked up the red-stained cash and took off.

Cops caught up with the bank robber, but the booty-grabber was still in the wind.

Charges were pending.

Stupid siblings horse around, brother dies.

This is why kids shouldn't be horsin' around! From FOX News:

MESA, Ariz. — Police say a teenage girl accidentally ran over and killed her 17-year-old brother as the two played around in an Arizona shopping mall parking lot.

Mesa Police spokesman Ed Wessing on Sunday identified the brother as Dwight J. Brock Jr. and his sister as 16-year-old Nicole M. Brock, both residents of Mesa.

Wessing says the sister had dropped off her brother at Superstition Springs Mall Saturday evening. And then they started playing around, with the brother jumping in front of the car and the sister slamming on the brakes.

The last time that happened the sister was unable to stop and ran over the brother.

He was rushed to a hospital in critical condition and later pronounced dead.

Panic room saves Dutch cartoonist.

I'm not so sure trying to decapitate someone with an axe is a good way to defend the benevolence of one's religious ideals. From Times Online:

Just when Denmark thought the worst was over, Islamic fury has come back to haunt it with an assassination attempt on the artist whose cartoon of the prophet Muhammad as a suicide bomber had an explosive impact four years ago on the Muslim world.

An axe-wielding Somali extremist broke into the home of Kurt Westergaard on Friday night as the 75-year-old cartoonist was looking after Stephanie, his five-year-old granddaughter.

Westergaard, whose little ink drawing of Muhammad with a bomb in his turban sparked riots throughout the Middle East in 2006, has received numerous death threats. He pressed an alarm button to summon police when the attacker entered the house in Aarhus, Denmark’s second city, by breaking a window.

He did not have time to collect the child from the living room before locking himself into a “panic room”, a specially fortified bathroom. He said the assailant had shouted “swear words, really crude words” and shrieked about “blood” and “revenge”, as he smashed the axe in vain against the bathroom door.

“I feared for my grandchild,” he told Jyllands-Posten, the newspaper that had commissioned the cartoon. “But she did great. I knew that he wouldn’t do anything to her.” He went on: “It was close, really close. But we did it.”

The attacker, who was also carrying a knife, shouted, “I’ll be back”, before going outside to confront police. He smashed a police car window with the axe and was shot in the hand and a knee when he threw the axe at an officer. He appeared in court on a stretcher yesterday to be charged with the attempted murder of Westergaard and the policeman.

[...] Angry protesters in Muslim countries in 2006 burnt embassies and stormed several European buildings in a wave of rioting and flag-burning in which more than 100 people were killed. The reaction had come after a dozen “Muhammad cartoons”, including the famous one by Westergaard, were published in several newspapers.

The drawings, which first appeared in 2005, had been intended to contribute to the debate about criticism of Islam and self-censorship. This followed the brutal murder in Holland the previous year of Theo van Gogh, the film maker, by a fanatic who resented his depiction of Islam and slit his throat on a street.

US lifts HIV/AIDS immigration ban.

From BBC News:

The US has lifted a 22-year immigration ban which has stopped anyone with HIV/Aids from entering the country.

President Obama said the ban was not compatible with US plans to be a leader in the fight against the disease.

The new rules come into force on Monday and the US plans to host a global HIV/Aids summit for the first time in 2012.

The ban was imposed at the height of a global panic about the disease at the end of the 1980s.

It put the US in a group of just 12 countries, also including Libya and Saudi Arabia, that excluded anyone suffering from HIV/Aids.

The BBC's Charles Scanlon, in Miami, says that improving treatments and evolving public perceptions have helped to bring about the change.

Rachel Tiven, head of the campaign group Immigration Equality, told the BBC that the step was long overdue.

"The 2012 World Aids Conference, due to be held in the United States, was in jeopardy as a result of the restrictions. It's now likely to go ahead as planned," she said.

In October, President Obama said the entry ban had been "rooted in fear rather than fact".

He said: "We lead the world when it comes to helping stem the Aids pandemic - yet we are one of only a dozen countries that still bar people with HIV from entering our own country."

Woman hit with falling moose head.

Where's Basil Fawlty when you need him? By the way, the last two lines of this piece are priceless. From NY Daily News:

A Manhattan woman has sued a lower East Side restaurant, claiming she was conked in the head by a moosehead that fell off a wall.

Raina Kumra, 32, sued White Slab Palace, a Scandinavian-inspired hipster hangout on Delancey St., for an unspecified amount, charging the owners were "grossly careless" in mounting the taxidermy wildlife.

"It was the bar's fault," Kumra told the Daily News Tuesday. "I was injured and in an embarrassing way."

The 150-pound moosehead with antlers spanning over 3 feet was the centerpiece of the restaurant's back party room.

In a suit filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, Kumra said she was standing under the moosehead about 1 a.m. on Oct. 4 when it came dislodged and crowned her.

Named in the suit is Annika Sundvik, a Manhattan art gallery owner who opened White Slab Palace in February.

The restaurant "had a duty to provide ... an environment free from falling objects," the suit charges.

Kumra said she suffered a concussion when clobbered on the head in the party room packed with patrons.

Since the incident, Kumra has lost cognitive skills and suffered chronic neck pain, fatigue, dizzy spells and anxiety from mounting medical expenses, the suit says. Sundvik, who also owns Good Bar & Grill in Chinatown, did not immediately return calls for comment. A manager at the restaurant refused to comment, saying she hadn't heard of the suit.

Meanwhile, Richard Santomauro, owner of Wildlife Taxidermy in Wall, N.J., insisted Kumra was not hit by a moosehead.

"That's a caribou," he said after viewing a photo of the stuffed head.

Darwin Award winners announced.

From UPI:

A North Carolina woman was the runner-up for the 2009 Darwin Award, the first female to contend for the honorific recognizing stupidly fatal behavior.

Coming in second for the tongue-cheek award, the woman tried to flee from police custody during a flash flood by jumping into a swollen creek, the organization said in a news release. An officer tried to rescue her, but to no avail.

She was in custody because she drove right past the officer and a roadblock, lost control of her moped -- and fell into the creek.

Placing first, though, was a pair of robbers who couldn't do the math on the amount of dynamite needed to blow open an ATM in Dinant, Belgium, and really overestimated the amount needed. Both died.

Named in honor of Charles Darwin, father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those "who improve our gene pool -- by removing themselves from it," the Darwin Awards Web site said.

The award, the site said, is "generally bestowed posthumously."

My resolutions for 2010.

I believe what Marty McFly said about accomplishing whatever we put our minds to. Though I guess it helps to have a genius inventor for a friend and access to plutonium.

With that in mind, here are my resolutions for 2010, which I believe are not only possible but easily attainable, in part because I don’t need to better myself in any way.

2010 Resolutions

1. Meet that world-traveling silly dance guy.

2. Seduce him and force him to settle down after many years of silly dancing. He will therefore grow to resent me and will ultimately return to dancing, a slow, bitter dance that will make the children of the world cry and flee in terror.

3. Following the success of Transformers, pitch a live-action Snorks film and cast myself as Tooter Shellby, a tooting Snork gone mad by the sea.

4. Win an Academy Award for my riveting portrayal of Tooter Shellby, crazy Snork.

5. Design a tampon specifically for emo bands.

6. Volunteer my time for a good cause. LOL!

7. Finally catch that elusive, slippery, slippery elm, used in so many of my medicated teas.

8. Write a bestselling book on how the true secrets of Jesus’ life can be revealed in the painting “Dogs Playing Poker.”

9. Write a hilarious joke book on all the things that are funny about peace, love, and understanding.

10. Become the first Jew to get intestinal cramps… ON THE MOON!

(Note: This originally appeared on ReadJunk.com)

Monkey flosses teeth, considers war on mankind.

Today floss, tomorrow nuclear warheads. From Discovery.com via Coozer-Phile Jeff:

A monkey in Japan flosses its teeth with its hair, demonstrating that humans aren't the only animals that clean their teeth and invent tools to help with the task.

The flosser, a free-ranging, middle-aged, female Japanese macaque named Chonpe, may have come up with the tool and the idea, according to a new study that will appear in the January issue of Primates.

Lead author Jean-Baptiste Leca told Discovery News that dental flossing could have been a fortuitous yet "accidental byproduct of grooming."

Leca, a post-doctoral fellow at Kyoto University's Primate Research Institute, explained that "Japanese macaques sometimes bite into hair or pull it through their mouths to remove external parasites."

The hair might have become stuck in Chonpe's teeth, and as she drew the hairs out, "she may have noticed the presence of food remains attached to them."

"The immediate reward of licking the food remains off the hair may have encouraged her to repeat the behavior for the same effect in the future," he added.

UK radio DJ sacked for interrupting Queen's speech.

From The Guardian:

A radio DJ has been sacked after interrupting the Queen's speech on-air, telling listeners: "Two words: Bor-ing."

Stand-up comic and radio presenter Tom Binns made the comments during a Christmas Day show on Birmingham radio station BRMB.

The station took a feed of the Queen's annual address by mistake and Binns – who was working alone in the studio – took the decision to take it off air.

Binns then made a joke about the French royal family being beheaded and introduced the next song, Last Christmas by Wham!, with the words "from one Queen to another..."

The station's parent company Orion Media said a "small number" of listeners complained and confirmed that Binns would not be working for them again.

The Queen used her Christmas message to the nation to express her sadness at the loss of UK troops in Afghanistan in the bloodiest year for British forces since the invasion in 2001.

Cockroaches inspire running robots.

Combining the speed and scurry motion of cockroaches with the indestructible power of man-hating robots. What could go wrong? From Science Daily:

The sight of a cockroach scurrying for cover may be nauseating, but the insect is also a biological and engineering marvel, and is providing researchers at Oregon State University with what they call "bioinspiration" in a quest to build the world's first legged robot that is capable of running effortlessly over rough terrain.

If the engineers succeed, they may owe their success to what's being learned from these insects and other animals, such as the guinea hen, that have their own remarkable abilities.

The latest findings -- just published in the professional journal Bioinspiration and Biomimetics -- outline how animals use their legs to manage energy storage and expenditure, and why this is so important for running stability. The work is being supported by the National Science Foundation.

"Humans can run, but frankly our capabilities are nothing compared to what insects and some other animals can do," said John Schmitt, an assistant professor in the School of Mechanical, Industrial and Manufacturing Engineering at OSU. "Cockroaches are incredible. They can run fast, turn on a dime, move easily over rough terrain, and react to perturbations faster than a nerve impulse can travel."

Scientists discover how memories are cemented.

From BBC News:

US scientists believe they have uncovered one of the mechanisms that enables the brain to form memories.

Synapses - where brain cells connect with each other - have long been known to be the key site of information exchange and storage in the brain.

But researchers say they have now learnt how molecules at the site of the synapse behave to cement a memory.

It is hoped the research, published in Neuron, could aid the development of drugs for diseases like Alzheimer's.

The deteriorating health of the synapses is increasingly thought to be a feature of Alzheimer's, a disease in which short-term memory suffers before long-term recollections are affected.

A strong synapse is needed for cementing a memory, and this process involves making new proteins. But how exactly the body controls this process has not been clear.

Now scientists at the University of California Santa Barbara say their laboratory work on rats shows the production of proteins needed to cement memories can only happen when the RNA - the collection of molecules that take genetic messages from the nucleus to the rest of the cell - is switched on.

GOP distancing itself from racist, homophobic colleague who started "Muslim Obama" rumor.

This guy's a real nutjob. From CBS News:

The Republican Party is shunning a perennial political candidate, this time running for an Illinois Senate seat, after he launched a political attack ad questioning the sexuality of his main Republican primary opponent.

Candidate Andy Martin launched a radio ad on Monday against Rep. Mark Kirk (R-Ill.), the current frontrunner for the GOP nomination in the 2010 Illinois Senate race. The ad calls into question Kirk's sexuality. Martin claims Kirk "lives in some kind of 'Animal House' in Washington with another gay congressman," reports CBS 2 Chicago.

Martin says his ad is based on a "solid rumor on the Internet," CBS 2 reports. The attack is the latest of many over-the-top claims from Martin, yet WBBM Newsradio 780 is required to run the ad because it cannot censor political advertising.

The Illinois Republican Party released a statement condemning Martin and his ad.

"His statements today are consistent with his history of bizarre behavior and often times hate-filled speech, which has no place in the Illinois Republican Party," the statement said. "Mr. Martin will no longer be recognized as a legitimate Republican Candidate by the Illinois Republican Party."

Martin, who has run for political office several times, was convicted of attacking two photographers in Florida, CBS 2 Chicago reports, and was denied admission to the Illinois Bar for "moderately severe character defect." He reportedly once ran for Congress to "eliminate Jew power in America."

In a bid for the presidency in 1999, Martin ran a television ad in New Hampshire contending that his opponent George W. Bush "had a cocaine problem" and suffered from "alcohol abuse," the Chicago Tribune reports. He also reportedly attacked Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential election, claiming he is a Muslim and questioning whether he is a U.S. citizen.

Disinfectants train superbugs to resist antibiotics.

This is why I only treat wounds with prayer and urine. From BBC News:

Disinfectants could effectively train bacteria to become resistant to antibiotics, research suggests.

Scientists know bacteria can become inured to disinfectant, but research increasingly shows the same process may make them resistant to certain drugs.

This can occur even with an antibiotic the bacteria have not been exposed to.

Writing in Microbiology, the National University of Ireland team, who focused on a common hospital bacterium, urges a rethink of how infections are managed.

Coozer-Bits.

Local: Terrorism, swine flu, girlfriend-beating politicians put my home in the national spotlight! Yeah, Queens Pride! Up yours, Brooklyn!!

Science: The Year in Space.

Film: Half of the movies coming out in 2010 are from 2008.

Duh: Dumbest quotes of the 2000's. (Somehow, not all are from Bush!)

Trends: Anti-energy drinks. (Isn't that called "beer"?)

RUW: Robot helps grandma shop. Our elderly are doooooomed!!

Awesome: Italy gets $95 billion from illegal money held in Swiss banks!

Science: Scientists discover how wild mushroom cancer drug works.

Homeless man steals airplane, crashes, lives.

From CBS News:

Calvin Cox, a 51-year-old homeless man trying to take off, ended up grounded, and behind bars instead, when he crashed a stolen single-engine airplane on a municipal airport runway, according to police in Frederick, Md.

Cox ran off a runway at the Frederick airport in a stolen Piper Super Cub and upended in the grass at about 2:15 a.m. Monday, police said. A canine team tracked the wannabe fly-boy into nearby woods, said Police Lt. Clark A. Pennington.

Cox wasn't hurt, and remained in custody after bail was set at $10,000 on felony charges including theft, burglary and trespassing.

Gay couple in Malawi arrested for getting engaged.

From BBC News:

Two gay men arrested in Malawi after getting engaged are to be charged with gross public indecency, police say.

"We arrested them because they committed an offence; homosexuality in Malawi is illegal," police spokesman Davie Chingwalu told the BBC.

Tiwonge Chimbalanga and Steven Monjeza held a traditional engagement ceremony over the weekend - believed to be the first gay couple in Malawi to do so.

Homosexuality carries a maximum prison sentence of 14 years in Malawi.

The pair are being held in separate cells in Blantyre until their case is heard, Mr Chingwalu told the BBC's Network Africa programme.

Scientist cracks every mobile phone code, publishes details.

Good job, jerkface. From BBC News:

A German computer scientist has published details of the secret code used to protect the conversations of more than 4bn mobile phone users.

Karsten Nohl, working with other experts, has spent the past five months cracking the algorithm used to encrypt calls using GSM technology.

GSM is the most popular standard for mobile networks around the world.

The work could allow anyone - including criminals - to eavesdrop on private phone conversations.

Mr Nohl told the Chaos Communication Congress in Berlin that the work showed that GSM security was "inadequate".

"We are trying to inform people about this widespread vulnerability," he told BBC News.

"We hope to create some additional pressure and demand from customers for better encryption."

The GSM Association (GSMA), which devised the algorithm and oversees development of the standard, said Mr Nohl's work would be "highly illegal" in the UK and many other countries.

"This isn't something that we take lightly at all," a spokeswoman said.

Mr Nohl told the BBC that he had consulted with lawyers before publication and believed the work was "legal".

"Best job in the world" winner stung by deadly jellyfish.

Poor guy. From News.com.au:

The winner of the so-called "Best Job in the World" has been stung by a potentially deadly jellyfish.

Ben Southall said he had experienced a "crazy 24 hours" after the tiny irukandji struck off the coast of Queensland in Australia.

"I was enjoying a post Christmas jet ski session with some friends at a quiet beach on Hamilton Island," he wrote on his blog.

"As I climbed off the back of the ski and onto the beach (I) felt a small bee-like sting on my forearm."

"I was feeling pretty hot and sweaty, had a headache and felt pretty sick too with pain in my lower back and a tightness in the chest and a really high blood pressure.

"I had a minor brush with what can be a very serious jellyfish."

Mr Southall said he was feeling 100 per cent again.

"Horrible incident. Lesson learnt - always wear a stinger suit."

Mr Southall is the winner of a competition run by Tourism Queensland to experience the best the Australian state has to offer - and to tell the world about it.

Escaped criminal taunts police on Facebook.

This guy sounds like a real dumbass. "OHNOES SIRENS! OMGLOL!" From Ananova:

An escaped prisoner has celebrated his first Christmas on the run by taunting police with photos of himself on Facebook.

On Christmas Day, Craig 'Lazie' Lynch, 28, even posted a photo of himself adorned in tinsel, making a rude gesture and holding a turkey, reports the Daily Mail.

Lynch has been on the run from Suffolk's Hollesley Bay Prison since September but rather than hide from police he has regularly updated them on his movements via the social networking site.

Below the Christmas Day photo he wrote "If any of you was doubtin my freedom. Here's proof. How the f*** could i get my hands on a bird like this in jail. ha ha."

The same day he said: "Wow it really is xmas ha ha i cant beleive i made it f*** tha police."

But Lynch also revealed that at one point he heard sirens in the early hours outside his house and assumed he was about to be arrested.

He wrote an update, saying: "Oh No sirens!! It's happening."

China executes mentally unstable Briton, despite UK plea.

Jeez, executing mentally challenged people from other countries... Who does China think it is -- Texas?? From ABC News:

China brushed aside international appeals Tuesday and executed by lethal injection a British drug smuggler who relatives say was mentally unstable and unwittingly lured into crime.

British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said he was "appalled" at the execution of 53-year old Akmal Shaikh — China's first of a European citizen in nearly 60 years. His government summoned the Chinese ambassador in London to express its anger.

China defended its handling of the case, saying there had not been documentary proof Shaikh was mentally ill. Beijing also criticized Brown's comments, but said it hoped the case would not harm bilateral relations. The Foreign Ministry called on London not to create any "obstacles" to better ties.

Shaikh's daughter Leilla Horsnell was quoted by the BBC and other British media outlets as saying she was "shocked and disappointed that the execution went ahead with no regards to my dad's mental health problems, and I struggle to understand how this is justice."

GPS strands couple in snow for three days.

Obviously, this is the first parting shot from the robot rebellion. From ABC News:

A Nevada couple who was rescued after three days stuck in their car on an unplowed road said it was GPS directions that led them deep into an Oregon forest.

John Rhoads, 65, and his wife, Starry Bush-Rhoads, 67, were heading home to Reno on Christmas Day from a trip to Oregon, using the GPS in their SUV as a guide for the 500-mile drive. But the GPS -- which makes travel so much easier for millions of Americans -- turned their trip home into a chilling lesson about relying on technology.

After following the directions onto a remote road, John Rhoads realized they were in trouble "when we noticed that the snow was getting deep and we were over 30 miles into this road. We thought we didn't have much farther to go."

Coozer-Bits.

Some stuff that I bookmarked during the holiday madness.

Lame: $500 million booty returning to Spain.

Sad: New York unhappiest place in the US.

Eats: Is there are any rational, intellectual, or moral argument to eat meat?

Yipes: Man accidentally kills wife with remote control. (Thanks Jen!)

WTF: Insane person writes cookbook devoted to Brussels sprouts.

Aww: Wheelchair-bound gift giver is Britain's kindest grandma. (Read this and quit complaining about having to buy holiday gifts, ya jerk.)