Coozer-Bits.

Lame: Iraq shoe-thrower gets 3 years.

PSA: Retractable dog leashes can sever fingers, blind you.

Duh: Gwyneth Paltrow is better than you.

Sad: 26 students killed in Chicago so far this school year.

WTF: North Carolina barely penalizes businesses for dangerous child labor violations.

Lame: Black soccer star swarmed by police after looking at jewelry display.

Health: Kombucha tea: cure-all?

Booze: Illegal vodka accounts for half of all vodka sales in Russia.

Dorky: Illinois makes Pluto a planet again for a day, because they have nothing better to do.

Local: NYC cops behaving badly cost taxpayers $35 million.

Sad: Doctors Without Borders workers kidnapped in Darfur.

Dead: Billionaire philanthropist Leonore Annenberg.

D'oh: Power tool sex toy lands woman in the hospital. (Warning - this will make you queasy.)

Politics: Saudi Arabia and Egypt try to persuade Syria away from hanging out with Iran.

Sad: Crocodile decapitates girl paddling to school.

Hero: 101-year-old man wrestles robber.

WTF: British woman living in Dubai jailed over a cup of tea.

Sad: Retiring shuttle may doom 35,000+ space jobs.

Hero: Dog takes mighty stand against developers.

Awesome: Tax havens draw heightened scrutiny.