Gone Blintzin'

I haven't been posting much today - an alarmingly rare occurrence in my four days of blogging.

The reason is culinary, familial, and religious. I have been making blintzes since 2 pm. (It is now after midnight, when I should be turning the lights down low for sweet, sweet looooove. Mmm, redtube....)

I explained a few days ago why my life has become focused on blintzes instead of more important obsessions like social justice, power rock trio Rush, and/or Jeff Goldblum. Long story short, tomorrow is the big day where I unleash my Crepes of Canaan upon the world.

I made six different blintz fillings tonight (as well as a faro salad). I won't get into them all, but the most irritating and probably least good (and yet my proudest achievement in spite, or perhaps because of that) was a chicken chile concoction. Shit is disgusting but I enjoyed making it, even though it'll be too spicy and nasty for my family. Here's what I did:

COOZER'S CHICKEN CHILE BLINTZ FILLING

1) I threw three chicken breasts into a pot and covered them with broth. Also threw in a quartered onion, 3 or 4 cloves of garlic, and a handful of cilantro. I set that shit to boil.

2) Meanwhile, I took a jalapeno and one of those cool, long, twisted green peppers and roasted them in the oven on 350. I promptly forgot about them for half an hour.

3) When the pot of chicken started boiling, I covered and simmered for 8 or so minutes, then removed from heat and kept covered for 20 minutes or so.

4) I dusted off my blender and threw in the peppers, which were blackened and cool looking. (You're supposed to take the skin off, and also try to gut out the seeds and membrane so they're not too insanely hot - but I didn't bother because I'm lazy and unskilled at that sort of thing.) I also added to the blender a cup of chicken broth from the pot, and also threw in some fresh cilantro and an entire small container of sour cream. I blended for 10 seconds or so and voila! Frothy, spicy, liquid death.

5) Once the chicken had cooled, I began pulling them into small strips. Holy shit, that was annoying. I never gave much thought to shredded chicken or pulled pork and had assumed there was some amazing machine that did that for you. Is there? Please buy me one.

6) 500 years later, I was done shredding the chicken by hand. I put the chicken into a container, poured in just enough spicy brothy liquid to cover it, and set in the fridge. Tomorrow, I'll shove that shit into a blintz, and garnish with pepper jack. Too bad no one will eat it, because my family's idea of spiciness is oregano.

7) Because I handled hot peppers tonight by hand, I'm too afraid to, ah, bop the bishop. "No glove, no love" indeed.